Chop-Chop of Helicopters and Other Thoughts in My Head

2003-03-28 - 10:40 a.m.

It�s spring. Most people are waking up to the chirp-chirp of little birds now. I�m waking up to the �chop-chop� of helicopters. Every single day since the war started. I live blocks away from the Williamsburg Bridge, and it seems there�s something going on around there, or they�re just patrolling it, every day. Yesterday there was a �die-in� all over the city. I don�t know if it made the news. But people were laying down in the middle of the street pretending to be dead, blocking traffic, in protest of the war.

I got a call from Senator Clinton�s office. I had called to volunteer. There are so many things that have changed in the past year. Used to be you called and volunteered and they were happy to have you. I don�t know if it�s due to the war or if it�s a post 9/11 deal (and I was too tired to ask), but they have this Senate regulation that prevents them from using volunteers. Now they can only take interns. The lady was very nice, she asked if she could keep my information for if and when something changed.

Local Red Cross it is, then.

My baby sister has decided to inform me that she is seriously thinking about joining the Marines. If she�s decided to inform me it means she�s about 60% sure she is going to do that. Thankfully, she hurt her knee back in December and she can�t join right now. I do know her well enough to know that if she makes up her mind, she�s going to join as soon as she can.

On not so surprising news, my finances are still in shatters. I hate being like this. I asked my sister if she thought I could make my 2 year salary goal, and she said yes. You see, its very important I do because once that happens, I can help with raising my baby brother (who is 6 right now). She also said that I was going to have a hell of a battle getting that child. (Tell me something I don�t already know.) Not something I want to be reminded of. Oh, well, one thing at a time. Right now, I wouldn�t be able to do anything. It seems I can�t even support myself, at times.

I am past my last mental resources. I�m at the end of my reserves now. I am thankful that even thought I might have to work until 10PM tonight, at least its Friday. I want to go home and veg. I don�t want to hear about the war, helicopters, how my sister is thinking of joining the Marines or anything else. I just want to rest. If I could and had the resources, I would take off and fly down to the beach. But since I can�t�I don�t care how beautiful it is outside, I just want to stay in. I need to just stay at home and meditate.

It�s unbelievable to have so much physical energy, but no mental �.damn, I can�t even think of the word�juice, to carry anything through.