Life is a Banquet!

2003-02-12 - 3:54 p.m.

You know, I don�t normally do two entries a day, BUT I�ve been mulling over �Doing Your Part for the Country� bit. And I realized that I�m a little resentful to have anyone thinking I�m doing otherwise. But I realized it�s not their fault, they don�t know me. Here�s a little history:

When others were tucked safely away, far away from all the 9/11 hot zones, guess who had their first day at work downtown Manhattan? Mine. And guess who didn�t know their North or South? Me. I am very thankful that I was not in the Financial District; I was near the Stock Exchange Building on Wall Street. Now, the following happened in the matter of a couple of minutes�.I came above ground right after the first plane hit. My first sight coming up above ground from the subway was everyone standing around Wall St. looking up�.which finally caused me to look up. It took a minute before the papers I�m seeing falling down reach my eye level. Now I had just moved to New York that July, so I�m thinking in my greenhorn way �Hmmm, are they filming a movie?� If only we could have been so lucky. I�m getting more confused when I can see what�s on these papers because I�m looking at them and I see excel spreadsheets, stationary, etc. Normal every day stuff, not flyers or blank papers like I though I�d be seeing. It wasn�t until I moved to the corner and look down the street that I finally see what�s happening, then I hear it�That loud thunder. I don�t know if other places are like Texas (where grew up), but sometimes we get some severely wicket thunderstorms, you hear them for miles and miles, and you feel them in your chest. That�s what this was like. The thunderous sound was from all the glass breaking off the buildings. It was echoing throughout all of downtown. That�s when all of us in the street started running. The only thing I could think of was getting to my office, since that�s the only place I knew. I was hoping I would find it, since I�d only been there once before, when I had my boss�s and my belongings moved from our midtown office. As always, someone was looking out for me because I made it to my office.

After my boss made sure I was ok, the next few hours are a blur. I remember calling BW to let her know I was ok, and I remember her warning me to stay put and not try to leave. I remember my boss being frantic, having me track down his wife and daughter; they had been on their way to the train station, as Jess was returning to college. I remember I couldn�t answer my cell phone because there were too many calls coming in at once. I remember I was close to losing it when I couldn�t get a hold of C, that�s the first person I wanted to talk to. And since all phone lines were jammed, I remember it took me a while before I was finally able to get through to my father�s house and talk to Cisco, my brother. I remember I was eerily calm when I talked to him, I had to�.if I was calm then Cisco could confidently relate that to my family and they wouldn�t be dying of worry.

I remember seeing the second plane hit. I remember seeing the buildings come down. I remember our building being engulfed in clouds of smoke and dust after each building fell. That office has the most rocking view of the Brooklyn Bridge. That day, looking out the window in the reception area of the office, onto that Bridge and thinking �huh, it�s the scene out of Independence Day.� I still can�t watch that movie. I remember everyone crying and me going into crisis mode. Which meant I was consoling people I didn�t know�I knew the office manager and my boss, who was the head of my department. That�s it. I remember offering wet towels to people coming in from the street so that they could wipe the dust off their faces. I remember offering tea, coffee and water, because it seemed to calm people down when you offered something so mundane and normal. I remember people crying, knowing in their hearts that they had just lost friends and family in those falling towers. I remember I couldn�t cry, it was too surreal, and you can�t cry when you are in crisis mode. I remember they finally split us up in groups, and I left with my group around 11AM, after I made sure my boss was going to be able to get on a ferry to go home to his family. Hell, I even remember talked to my boss�s lover on the phone and comforted her, because he was busy comforting his family and he didn�t have the energy to deal with her.

That day I walked from 88 Pine Street to 25th St. and 7th Avenue in 3� Italian heels. I learned that day why $300 shoes are worth their money. Can you believe not a single blister? And me wearing no stockings?

That day, I was also reminded what pigs men are, as I was getting close to going into shock, somewhere around 1st Ave and 20th St., some asshole makes it a point to tell me what a nice ass I have�I lost it, I lost it, I lost it. I screamed at that pig at the top of my lungs�how could he possibly be thinking of anything of the kind, when we just had to witness what we did??????? I remember a girl just coming up to me and holding me, just hugging me, until I calmed down. She walked with me for a few blocks and then we parted ways when we go to 25th St. When I got to Park, I knew I was going to go into shock very shortly and I was tried running, trying to contain my nausea. This beautiful man caught me and walked me the rest of the way, all the way to where I was going. I was meeting BW at her then boyfriend�s place. This guy walked me to the front door. When I finally got there, I completely broke down. Crisis mode was over, I was somewhere where people would care for me.

Here�s the deal: On Friday, November 14th, I was back in that downtown office. With dust covering everything, and mostly empty offices all around, I was there working. I had to walk around with a scarf wrapped around my face to be able to breath. I went to work with Marines station outside my office building. I had to watch for MONTHS as pieces of those towers were carted away, I got to see the trucks passing by every day around lunchtime. I lost my sense of smell and I lost my sense of taste, they were gone for over a year.

I along with other people, picked myself up and said I�m not going to let this break normality. If I would have institutionalized myself or at least left New York, no one would have blamed me, but I didn�t. Instead I said, �Ha, ha! It didn�t work you bastards! We�re still here and we�re still partying!�

I go to work, I�m going out to eat, I�m going keep partying and FUCK ANYONE that thinks they can scare me into not having a life. It hasn�t mattered how scary it has been, I�m not stopping. Maybe I can�t vote in this country, but I can sure as hell keep living. I get up, I get dressed, I go to work. I put on my sexy outfits and I head out to the clubs. I don�t think in my entire life I�ve been out to eat as much as I have in the past year and a half. I go shopping, I smile, I flirt, I have phenomenal sex. I LIVE. I TRULY LIVE. That�s how I do my fucking part.

Auntie Maime said, �Life is a banquet and most poor sucker are starving to death.� Guess who�s enjoying the banquet? Me.