Have a good time

2003-02-03 - 3:34 p.m.

Being mortal sucks sometimes. I�ve been fighting a sinus infection all weekend long. Didn�t do much aside from go to dinner on Friday and Saturday. Even missed out on seeing my new Alitalia Boy. Oh, well. My mood got worse once I woke up on Saturday lunchtime to have my sister tell me that the shuttle blew up over Texas. That is so sad. Those poor brave people. I comfort myself by thinking that they were doing what they loved most when they left this lifetime.

My sister, who lives in Dallas, says there was a boom. Her saying that made me think of 9/11. I got melancholy, a feeling which can still be near the surface. So many things still remind me of that day. Sometimes when I�m walking down a quiet street and a large boom comes from a truck going over a metal plate�.or when I�m half asleep in my bed and a plane is flying low getting to La Guardia airport�.my heart speeds up, and if I don�t control it, I�ll start hyperventilating, and things just start coming back to me�fresh again. I think it will always be that way. I think that�s ok. It just serves as a reminder that I am here and that I am alive. It is the latest hurdle that had to be survived on the way to appreciating my life even more. That horrible experience in a way has allowed me to give myself permission for the frivolity and fun that is now in my life.

I�ve done my share of grown up crap and have done the whole PTA/Girl Scouts run, no not my kids, I don�t have any of my own�but my brothers and sister. Imagine being 16 and having to make sure that you, and your siblings are washed, fed, and have all the homework done. All my girlfriends are looking for this now, not me thank you. I love my brother and sister, but I�ve had enough. No more. Time to party. I had felt very at many points after that, but after 9/11 I truly realized and said to myself �HEY! You�ve done a lot, Kid. It�s ok to go and have a good time.� I think I have.

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5:45 PM

Score one for me. L2 is coming over tonight. Since I told him last time that I would not stop until he passed out, he�s doing the smart thing and spending the night. He hasn�t done that since back when we dated, in case I hadn�t mentioned before, L2 started out as a Date Guy. (If you don�t know what I�m talking about, you may review HERE) That would have been, what? July? Yes, July. Because soon after that he broke up with me. Yes, that�s what I said. He totally freaked out on me. Short synopsis: We came to a crossroad, I asked him if he wanted to continue to be a Date Guy or Boy Toy. He flipped, thought I meant BOYFRIEND or Boy Toy and decided it was time to go. Then he, I believe, realized that the sex could only possibly get better the more �comfortable� I became. I was happy he came back, but I certainly didn�t make it 100% easy on him. I just hope that he doesn�t flip like Tres (story for another day) and decide he�s in love with me and wants to marry me and have kids�.Well must go. I have to clean the apartment. Although L2 insists he doesn�t care about that, I do. Hopefully I�ll have time to figure out how to tie him up to my bed?