Un-Goddesslike Behavior

2003-01-27 - 2:00 p.m.

One of the misconceptions some have about being beautiful is that being beautiful gives you a license to trash people. Major no, no. When you are beautiful, you shouldn�t have a need to trash people. Don�t get me wrong. I vent. I vent in my diary, I vent to my best friend, but (unless serevely provoked), I don�t put people down. And I�ve never have found it necessary to make someone look bad in order to get attention. How can that possibly make anyone feel good? It�s unnecessary. I fyou look you can find a thousand faults in a person, true. The thing is, you can find a thousand great things about them. Did you know that negative energy grows faster than positive energy? If you don�t believe me watch a soccer game. You can have an entire stadium of elated people and a few can shift that tide quickly.

You know, it�s so hard not being perfect sometimes�although who would know what perfect is anyway? Wouldn�t that differ from person to person? For example, me: I wish I would not hold things against idiotic people when they do idiotic things. I am a very loyal person and I love my friends. I have a wide spectrum of acquaintances, but not as many friends. Why? Because I don�t want the love I give my friends to be diluted. I think my friends are worth more than that, they deserve all the love I can give them. All of my friends are different, all are beautiful. The majority of my girlfriends are very self assured, and if they have attacks of the green-eyed monster, they will admit to it as I do. Most of the time it comes out as, �Oh! I am so fucking jealous, I wanna be you!� but it is said in a playful manner, even when we mean what we say. Again, most are very self-assured.

I have one friend who still doesn�t grasp these concepts. The more confidence she gains, the worse she wants to treat people. Which tells me she�s building her confidence on a house of cards. You know what I consider a bigger no-no? Putting your friends down in front of strangers. It�s one thing if you are joking amongst friends, another when you do it to try and take the limelight away from your girlfriend. An its unnecessary, because if they are your friend, they will recognize your need and step back into the shadows to let you have the light. I do that frequently and it makes me feel great to see my friends get the attention they deserve.

BW and I have known each other going on 11 years. We live together and work at the same company (albeit we don�t see each other all day). BW has quite the attractive body. Her body is in such fashion, everything is made for her. She�s slim, but not in a Twiggy way. She has great legs, although her personality is not a warm one. It�s a bit flat, and when it shifts, it tends to go towards the negative. I don�t understand why. I guess some people are just that way.

I have been told I have quite the magnetic personality�although I�m still not sure quite what that means. It does help, however, to help me understand why I get so much attention. I know women who are very beautiful, so I know it�s not that. If you ask me what do men see in you? I wouldn�t know how to answer, I just know I�ve never had problems with men. I get plenty of proposals, of marriage and otherwise. I never ever lack company when I want it and one of the few things I enjoy about winter is that it affects the amount of attention I get. Being bundled up with only my face showing, I don�t have to worry about too many men hitting on me. Some might think this is self centered, but its not. I have plenty of friends who go through the same crap. BW, however, is not one of them. When she does manage to get attention, and even though she has what men refer to as a �hot� body, she has a way of turning men off, very quickly. As long as I�ve known her, I�ve always been happy to �pass guys on� to her. What I mean by that is if a guy comes over and introduces himself to me, and I don�t care for him (more than three-fourths of the time I won�t be interested), and she says, he�s cute, I tell her to go for it. Or I give her their telephone number, I don�t need them since I�ll never call them. I obviously have no interest whatsoever in these men.

Saturday night, I wanted to have a Williamsburg night out. We (BW and I) live in such an awesome neighborhood, it�s good to enjoy it every once in a while. We were having dinner at a cozy restaurant, and a guy came in to order take out. We�ll call him Steve. He kept looking at me, but he didn�t seem to interesting, and I was having a lovely dinner with BW (so not interested in picking up men). When we were finishing dinner, another guy came in asking for takeout menus. He wanted them for his bar. I stopped and looked at him and said, �Wait! You have a bar where you let people order food in?� He said, �Yes, because we don�t have a kitchen. You guys should come.� He gave us the address. Steve took the opportunity to interject about what a great bar it was, and give me a map with directions. I handed the map to BW. He then returned giving me his telephone numbers, I handed them to BW. We get to the bar and as I�m going to buy the second round, I suggest to BW that she call Steve and let him know that we�re at the bar and he should come over. Obviously, I�m not interested in the guy. Can you tell? But I noticed BW was.

Steve arrives at the bar and starts chatting and then he tells me that he�s in shoes. My eyes, of course, immediately brighten. Then he tells me he heads a certain very trendy shoe brand (hint: the initials are S.M.) I�m just going to die! This guy runs the company! I am sooo going to hit him up for a job, what a dream come true! Now its only fair to point out that BW doesn�t get many guys and the guys that she does are not necessarily high up in life and, honestly, I thought I made it clear I wasn�t interested, truly I don�t care how much $$ you are worth if I�m not attracted. She starts bad mouthing me to Steve. Right there. In front of me! I was completely shocked. I was speechless. I excused myself and called Chou-Chou in the powder room. She told me it was fine to just leave. I was livid. BW had decided to make her move on Steve while I was away. There was some good music and I went to dance instead. I started dancing with this wonderful dancer. She was amazing, and a strong lead. (FYI people: Latina women don�t think it�s a big deal to dance with each other.) Guess who was watching me while they were being kissed? Yes, Steve. I know its mean, and I should have just left as Chou-Chou suggested, but I was so livid. I kept thinking Go ahead, bad mouth me all you want, but its me he�s thinking about while your kissing him. I kept the charade up for a bit and then went home, thinking all the way home that I really hoped she went back to his place, because I would tear into her if she came home that night�.and I was also maliciously thinking that I know what she looks like the morning after, and its an awful sight. I was willing to bet if she went home with him, he would not call again. I could be wrong, but he�s yet to call her, even after she called and left him messages. Damn, I�m sure I�ll lose tons of credit at Goddess school for this one�was there any grace in what I did?

On a brighter note�

I had loads of fun dancing at this bar; I met loads of new people (as always). And even though the Raiders lost [waaaaaa!], I still had a good night. L2 called and woke me up at 2AM. OH, MY! He�s never done that before, he called late and he got me so worked up, I couldn�t go back to sleep. (I guess this means his mother is ok now?) I swear if I don�t see him tonight, I�m going to explode. When he shows up, I�m throwing him directly on my bed. He�s going to pay for getting me so riled up, without having him there to relieve me.