My Sexual Aura

2003-05-27 - 10:55 a.m.

You know, I really really hate it when guys I consider to be potential friends up and hit on me. I�m a pretty open person, and when you meet me, you will immediately know if I�m attracted to you because I will make it known. My friend Bill asked me on Thursday, when he hit on me, how it would affect if I knew that he was attracted to me. Well, damn, I hate hurting egos or feelings. This time, I�m sure it was ego. I told him it didn�t matter because I wasn�t attracted to him. That is the absolute truth. Even if Bill was very attractive, he has no appeal to me in a sexual way. ICK.

He did tell me something which might explain why he thought I was open game. Why, actually, most men would think I�m open game. It came about in conversation that I didn�t know what men saw in me. I really don�t. Never have. And I meant this in a matter of fact way. Goodness knows that I do not need ego stroking, and I certainly do not lack for confidence. Bill pointed out that it was because I was attractive, but there are millions of women more attractive than I, and I could point out ten at that moment, so its not that. He went on to point out other things, which I summarily dismissed. Again, I�m not up for ego stroking, I was making a point. And then he said: �It�s because you have a very strong sexual aura.� Huh. There�s a new one.

That one I had never heard of before. Me, a strong sexual aura. Who�d a thunk it?

This must be why, then, after I told Bill that I wasn�t attracted to him, he thought it meant for him to keep trying. *sigh* It�s sad really. I hate going through this. I still have faith that he�ll get over it. They normally do. Javier did, so did Stephan. They�re two of the best guy friends I have.

Still, I don�t understand why they would think that I would want them to hit on me. They�re my friends, and as such they get to hear about my dates, my sexual exploits, my SATISFYING sexual exploits at that. They know what I like and don�t like about men, and if they know, don�t they KNOW they would never have a chance? So why put themselves through it? I could really use some male insight on this.

If we go with the strong sexual aura theory, then that would also explain those idiots who think that they should come up to me and put their hands on me. (I HATE that.) Yes, that would make sense. They don�t know what to do. They feel a strong sexual force and think it�s directed at them. Likely because they are rarely in the presence of such energy, much less directed at them�so how would they know the difference?

You know, I met with Phil because I wanted his honest opinion about my little adventures. He had originally told me that he thought they were, and I quote �Just gave it a quick read, and I can say you have writing talent, especially for dialogue. It lacks a consistent point of view, but is amusing and even occasionally touching. I'd love to speak to you more about it in person and find out what you and your friend think are its possibilities.� Then when I turned him down, he told me that they were plain vanilla. So which is it? I would have rathered, and was prepared, for him to tell me they were plain vanilla in the beginning. I would have more readily accepted it. But after him having told me that when he was young he didn�t go to Studio 54 because he knew it was useless to go because he would never get the girl like me, and how he was at one point and time mad that he didn�t get to go to the ivy league schools, etc. Well, that just seems fishy. ICK, I guess my little light-and-fluffy act fooled him. He thought I was that brainless. And ICK, does he sometimes get women to sleep with him because they think he might help them? ICK.

Too bad, I liked being around him because of his intellect. I think I�ve mentioned I love being around intelligent people.

L2 is very intelligent. I love discussing politics with him. And he went to grad school at Princeton, and he�s traveled all over Asia, and he is in great shape, is very athletic (snowboards and skis a lot) has a great body and is beyond words in bed. I�m pretty sure I told this to Bill. So WHY would he hit on me? I just don�t understand. Bill is about 5�2, thick mustache (reminds me of Daddy�s in the late �70s), is very fun to converse with, but beyond that? ICK. Never. If all the men were gone, I�d just sleep with women. Why did he have to ruin a good thing? This could have been a beautiful friendship. Well, I won�t quite give up on him. Maybe he had a lot to drink before I saw him that day.