Why The Goddess is Still "In Training"

2003-04-24 - 10:25 a.m.

You know, I tend to forget about things I do for people. I guess because I don�t really think its any big deal at the time. Most of my friends are like that, too.

I met Jessica Rabbit about 6 or 7 years ago, when I lived in Dallas, at The 5400. She was a single carefree swinging kinda girl. She was comfortably off. I wasn�t, neither was BW. BW and I used to write checks to each other and float them just to cover rent. It was an art form. You can�t do those kind of things any more because banks move a lot faster. We sometimes could not afford food. Jess had plenty, and we used to go �grocery shopping� in her kitchen. She would only get upset if we didn�t leave her a note (a new grocery list) telling her what it was we took so she could replace it. She never thought much of it, and we were eternally grateful.

Our friendship flourished, as we were of the same ilk; she�s a Leo, too. She moved to Florida and then back. This time with Homer. She got pregnant and because of circumstances I won�t get into, they invited me to be their roommate. During that time, I went through a tremendous heartache, and Homer lost his job. Apparently, he liked living on unemployment, never mind that Jess was pregnant and the baby was coming soon. Then it was my turn to help out. I have to admit I wasn�t as graceful about it as Jess was. But it wasn�t because of her. If it had been just her, I would have continued to do everything I could. But Homer, damn�lazy shit. He�d go through groceries like Homer Simpson. The only thing he did right was help conceive my gorgeous goddaughter. Anyway, Jess eventually had enough of him and decided she was better off on her own.

I do stuff all the time for my sister, she�s my baby. Don�t ever think much of it, they�re little things. Things like buying her sheets for her bed, or money for school, or Blink 182 tickets for her birthday, whatever.

Now I�m the one in a slump. As I mentioned before, I am temporarily drowning in financial woes. Not a situation I�m comfortable in. It�s very difficult to walk around in New York, even if its just to work and home with just a dollar in your pocket. That won�t even get you a ride on the subway, much less food. I have no choice, though, because I�m in the red right now. But not as badly was I was two days ago. Why?

Chou-Chou decided that I don�t look good as a waif and sent me a care package with enough pantry food to last me for two weeks, if I don�t eat like a pig. My sister informed me that she wanted to buy her own bed sheets and insisted on reimbursing me for the bed in a bag set I bought her. I spoke with Jess yesterday, and she insists that I lent her money sometime back to buy diapers and is insisting on repaying it back. Last month, it was my brother who insisted the NYC starvation diet wasn�t a good idea, and the month before that it was Snow White.

How can one girl be so damn lucky? And through all this I�ve had Chou-Chou and Belle to hold my hand while I go through my anxiety attacks (I get them when it comes to finances). Thank goodness, too. You see, I get depressed as it is when I can�t go out dancing. I have to be social, it keeps me happy, it�s part of my nature. Needless to say, all this financial fun has shackled my social life, which is now practically non existent.

The really weird thing is I know all of these financial woes will be over soon. I just need to make it to mid-May. Once I get to that point, I won�t be panicking, but I�ll still be anxious. It�s funny. I don�t remember being this anxious when I lived in Dallas and made nothing a year. Funny how one gets used to comfort. I like comfort. And I love the social life it affords me.

Since I was 15 I�ve been getting proposals, of marriage or otherwise, from men wanting to take care of me, some even millionaires on up. I�ve always said no. This past weekend I kept thinking that maybe I wouldn�t be in these situations if I had taken those offers. But then my friends and my family come along and remind me that I don�t need those proposals. I�m in the red, but I�m still good.

Now if I could just find some nice person to get me tickets to the Tribeca Film Festival�.

=) Am I tempting fate?

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Ok, I�m feeling way anxious again. So I thought I�d write, again. It helps me deal. Chou-Chou and Belle are off line.

It�s so strange to be feeling like this. It�s a good reminder of how normal life can be. I do not like thinking about finances, will I have enough money to pay bills, buy food, etc.

Where�d my carefree life go? Worrying about what restaurant I wanted to eat that night, going shopping, what club did I want to go to and what was I going to wear? Which type of wine should we restock the apartment with? Should we get a half or full case of it? Do we want two imported and one domestic type of beer, or the other way around? And I have to tell you, I haven�t seen the fridge or pantry as empty as it is now. Even when I was unemployed. I�m sure you are wondering about BW, well she�s been very busy, so she�s eating out. Which is good. I don�t want her around while I�m moping.

It wasn�t too long ago I was hanging out in my bitching �Selma� dress drinking Veuve Cliquot looking so hot a gay guy was kissing me. WHAT HAPPENED? I mean don�t get me wrong, looks-wise, I look even better, since I dropped my little winter pounds. Actually, even though I haven�t lost my curves, I have lost quite a bit. I�ve dropped at least an inch on my hips, which I hate. I have narrow hips and I was always teased by my family when I was young that I looked like a boy. Didn�t help that I was always in dance, I had that very slender ballet body. It couldn�t have been off my waist, oh no. Of course, I have a naturally thick waist, so even when I weighed just 100 pounds, it was still thick. *sigh* I will miss my hips. I love my curvy body, there is just nothing to make you look more womanly. And you can�t tell me seeing size 0 hips swaying has an impact anything close to seeing perfectly curvy hips swaying past you. Just not the same.

* * * * *

So did I tell you how it was that I found out I lost at least an inch around my hips? You may or may not know, I am very partial to thongs. The secret to wearing thongs is to make sure you buy well-fitting thongs. They can�t be tight because in addition to cutting off circulation it will be going far into places you don�t want it to go. It can�t be to loose, or it goes everywhere, moving around and driving you nuts. I pride myself on my everyday thong collection. And they have to fit perfectly. Well, some of them don�t now. I found out the hard way yesterday. Some are loose now. I did my best not to walk or move more than necessary yesterday. *sigh* I�ll have to be very careful now. No American brands, only Italian and French. There IS a reason why their lingerie is so popular you know. Aside from being sexy, it�s very comfortable.